I got stuck in my tank top this morning. No kidding. My neck was twisted inside the spaghetti straps, and there was a bra-type thing inside that did a straight-jacket hold on me. It took awhile to get it back off, then moments to study it before I tried to put it back on......brave of me, actually............and I still didn't have it right! Eventually, with glasses on, I found a label, so I could figure out which was front, back, and inside. I need written instructions to wear clothes.
My plugs on electric cords always need to be turned around at least once before they will go into the socket. Wasted motions! I could bet money that this will happen. What are the odds? Is anybody else bothered by this?????
The grocery self-check-out machine at Giant Eagle keeps accusing me of bagging items that weren't scanned. "Please return the item from the bag!" Eeeek! They were scanned! It's humiliating to be called a thief by a machine. I've begun to yell back at the thing, "I DID scan it! LOOK! Check the receipt!"
The movie ticket clerk told me I'd earned a "Free $2 Popcorn" with my ticket. When I tried to redeem it, the popcorn clerk told me I owed $2. I asked what was "free" about my coupon, and he told me I got the six-dollar popcorn for ONLY $2. SIX DOLLARS FOR POPCORN? I could fill a ballroom with six dollars worth of popcorn kernels, folks! I passed on the "reward."
In over 90 degree heat, I tried to buy a bottle of water at a machine. I saw a slide place for credit cards...............for $1.50........??......and couldn't figure out how to use it, and I already had the dollar fifty in my hand, thank you very much. After two bifocal changes, I managed to find a place to insert the bill and coins. Children were staring at me. (Must have been the muttering.....)
Lately I feel a bit as if I am the square peg trying to fit into the square hole, but the hole keeps changing while I am doing it.
I know that the world is moving quickly, but I think that I am, too. Apparently I am not moving quickly enough to keep up with it!
For example: It was announced that all the Borders Booksellers are closing down. Was it because nobody was buying books? Nope! It was because so many people apparently are buying cyberspaceinvisibletotheeyesofpeoplewithoutthemagicreadingmachine "books" that some of us (and I am not including myself in that word "us...") are not buying the real thing, called BOOKS.
I've SEEN one of those gizmos, by the way. I touched it. I walked around it and glowered at it suspiciously........... (Picture the scene from Planet of the Apes when the apes see the Statue of Liberty.........) I looked at it, heard its owner glorify it and deliver a sales pitch to the rest of us there that we all needed one, too. Sour grapes.
Imagine not being able to walk up to a stranger on a beach and say, "I liked that book, too!"
I am NOT about to give up real books with flapping pages, coffee-stained covers, notated margins, grocery lists inside the front covers, and the feel and smell of a real, honest-to-God BOOK! This square peg would only go into that hole if I were hammered into it.
To my credit, I did manage to rent AND return a DVD movie at the "Red Box" nearby, with no glitches. Using the DVD player was the hard part, actually, since the words "play" and "pause" are written in such teensy letters on the remote control that several eyeglass changes had to occur for restroom breaks. BUT I did get it OUT of the "Red Box," and with trembling fingers managed to put it back IN to the "Red Box," and the screen said "Thank you. Movie has been returned." Like I couldn't figure that out..................
Here I sit in front of my computer, totally self-taught. I am sure this gizmo would do a lot of other things, given opportunities. Right now it keeps photos, plays Scrabble, sends emails, and lets me write down these ingenious thoughts to share with you.
I remember our first computer. It had a separate disk drive, weighed more than I did, and we spoke in hushed tones around it. It didn't have pictures on the screen, only words. We thought it was brilliant. I learned to use it by using it.
I may have to go back to the "Red Box" and use it again. Perhaps practice does make perfect! I need to forgive the Giant Eagle's self-check-out thing and try it again (without yelling), and maybe I could mark the electric plugs with nail polish on the big side so I could overcome that little issue. (Of course, I'd have to mark the big side on the wall, too.............)
It will be a cold day in Hell, though, when I use a book-reading-device to read a BOOK.
copyright: KP Gillenwater
