I have become somewhat mildly obsessed with reading license plates on cars. The plates are generally referred to as "vanity plates," in that the driver wants attention from the rest of us, and is willing to pay for it. I used to just read all the plates, numbers and letters, but now the stories that these vanity plates may tell are far more interesting!
I've driven around for several weeks, pen over my ear, notebook on the suicide seat, writing down these plates as soon as I get to a stoplight or pause behind a turning car. I found out that I forget the ones I think are cute or funny by the time I get home, so there are six wrinkly pages of writing filled with license plate titles next to me right now.
My psychological study of these drivers and what they are telling the world entertains me, and the why these drivers want us to know these tidbits about themselves keeps me wondering, behind the wheel. (I do listen to audio books, also.......and think truly deep thoughts............I am not just driving around reading license plates, lest you think so, for God's sake!)
I've divided these people into several groups and subgroups, and analyzed what they are REALLY saying to us............
There are those who want us to take note of their automobiles:
Every new Lexus in our city apparently leaves the dealership with a plate that says LEX on the front of it. ("Look at me! I've spent more for my car than the rest of you guys!") I liked a truck that said BD MACK on it ("I'm tough!"), and one car that said HOT ROD, ("Wanta race?) Then a cute little Volkswagen said GRRR to me!
There are the religious ones:
HEAR HIM, and ISAYA 61,( which I had to go home and look up. Isaiah 61 is also a ministry that heals the brokenhearted. If I see that one again, I may have to stop the driver and get more information.) Another plate told me NO EVL........(as in hear no, see no, speak no.....)
The most common (oops! I didn't mean to insult anyone who spent so much by calling him "common!") are the ones that proclaim who or what the driver perceives himself to be:
KING TUT (This was a big Cadillac with Texas plates....woo-hoo!), NUBBINS ("I'm small, but cute.") WOW PHIL ("Excited to see me?") ,THE KING (Yes, someone is actually driving around with this on his car.....) LDY POET, ("I write") MUZISHAN ("I am a creative one...."), NUTMAN (This has too many connotations to even go there..........), 3 DE FAN (This was at a movie theatre. Surprised?) CRAZY WID (a new widow, apparently, telling us, "I got the insurance money, and bought this car"), M N M NUT the candy guru, CHEEZ 4 U (This was on a van that was delivering cheese, but I liked that the driver let me know it!) FROG (??), DIVA D ("I sing") , I MISS EV (This might be other woman in Crazy Wid's life.....) D CUP (a total braggart!) 19 FT 9 IN (Whatever..........!) LV 2 REIN (might be married to The King?) FAB HATS (an entrepreneur), and then the two physical specimens: FOUR PAC and AGILE.
My favorites are the ones that seem to show a sense of humor:
STOP DIS (a dare for the cops?), GOT Z (I sleep well, thanks) GT SET GO (" Get out of my way.......") and my very favorite one: C KAYAK. I sat behind the car bearing this, puzzling, then realized that the top of the car had a rack where a kayak probably perches in fair weather, and the guy wanted to be sure we saw it.
So what would I put on MY license plate, if I were inclined to spend $40 extra to tell the world about myself? Trying not to give away information, or to brag, I thought of: MRSG (But my students would then know which car to key....), I TEECH ( which lets you know that I teach reading.........), BKWRM (my personal favorite, but not everyone can translate this...), GTOFFTAIL (nothing bothers me more than someone riding my rear bumper......but those are nonreaders, I believe), 4EVRDIET (but who wants to know this about me?). Then there are Randy's suggestions: CHEAP, THRIFTY, GSALER....but I don't want to advertise that stuff.
The other day I was behind a city bus with a huge sign on the rear that read ONE IN FIVE ADULTS HAS A DIAGNOSABLE MENTAL ILLNESS. It appeared to be a huge plate behind that bus. I loved it, but it won't fit on my license plate, alas. A plate can only have a few letters.
I might be able to settle for IM THE 1.
copyright: KP Gillenwater
